As you have learned, people are sometimes showing you a person they are not. This happens for both good and bad. Some have very little empathy for others, but they can muster some concern when needed – it just does not last very long. Some care deeply about others but have been hurt so much that they appear to not care. They do that to protect themselves. Others are quite honest about who they are, but they are very hard to get to know. At times, you may run into someone who has a fear of commitment but you are not going to know it right away. In some ways, this can profoundly affect your life.
A fear of commitment is something that you hear about when it comes to dating and getting married, but that is not the only time in life when this might affect you or someone that you know. This can happen to someone who wanted to be a parent. As time goes on, they find that this is not really what they want, and their fear of commitment to their child comes into focus. You may notice that they do not care much and seem to neglect the well being of the child. This type of fear of commitment can have a lasting effect on a child. They may grow up with that being a part of their personality, as children learn what they know.
Fear of a lasting commitment can also appear when it comes to choosing and sticking with a career. Someone may have a good education and job, but they move and jump around often. This is a fear of commitment that comes from thinking moving around will find them happiness. If they are not happy where they are, they feel that they can find what they seek somewhere else. They do not buy a house, sign a long term lease, or do anything permanent because if they commit, they are stuck there and that scares them. They can not commit to one place because it scares them.
Fear of any commitment in relationships is, of course, the big one that most have to deal with at least once in their life. This is when someone falls in love, gets scared, and then moves on without looking back. Some know that they have this fear of commitment and others do not know what they are doing. In the end, the one they fell in love with is the one that gets hurt the most, though in the end, the person who has avoided commitment out of fear hurts too because they have left behind people that they truly loved. They usually end up being very lonely.
If you have a fear of commitment, try to figure out why. If you know someone with this problem, think about who they are and what they have been through if you want to understand them better. At times, a fear of commitment is debilitating, leaving someone who wants love and companionship very lonely because they can not stick with one thing out of fear of being hurt. They may tell you that it is something else, but the root of such feelings is almost always a fear of being hurt and there is usually a very good reason why they have developed that fear.